Eating disorder?? *Long read*?

I'm not a doctor, but it sounds like you definitely have problems with food, to the extent that you are putting your (mental and physical) health in danger. You also sound confused. Find someone you can confide in and tell them what you've posted in the question above. Or make an appointment with a counsellor, therapist, psychologist or dietician ASAP. You need help--please seek it.